Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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