Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
did i just pee glitter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
