what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
