I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
