I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
