Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
