that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She needs sedatives and a leash
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
PANTIES FOUND
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