i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
