There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
