Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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