Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
