I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
