Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
