Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
