Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
