listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
