the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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