drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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