He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
