guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
