It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
