Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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