hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am available for nakedness
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
