I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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