I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
