Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
