Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
