Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
