apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
