dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
