So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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