Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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