I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
