It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
