So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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