I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
