I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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