Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
