I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
