its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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