i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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