I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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