Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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