dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
