you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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