i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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