My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
