his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
