I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
