spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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