I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
