btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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