i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
