this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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