so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
