I need to stop coming to work sober
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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