Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
