I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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