Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
two words...techno handjob
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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