wrigley field is MILF paradise
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
