I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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