How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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