He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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