Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
